Triumph, Chaos & Conference

I have an update on triumph...she is doing awesome!! She and the great dane have an understanding...if he doesn't mess with her she doesn't take a swipe at him with her loan clawed front paw. She has run of the house. She is let outside 10 minutes before bed and let back inside. She has taken up stalking chickens till they turn the tables on her and begin chasing her.

Things have been pretty chaotic at work and will continue to do so. I have been looking around for a different employer. I suspect in the next few months I will be going to work for a truss company.

I didn't get after reserving a room at Loews so I will be staying at a motel 3/4 a mile down the road instead. There is a lot more to tell but, I am struggling for a way to express it tactfully. I called about being fitted for golf clubs and we decided for now I would just pick up an inexpensive set to begin with. I was gonna relearn the game of golf last year. Horribly Hilly Hundreds next year will likely be my last hurrah for big & ugly bike challenges. After that more recreational bike/hike events

Spring Mash Up

I've been spending most weekends at the cabin. I always said "I loved the process of making maple syrup". I hadn't made it in 29 years. It had always been a blanket statement. I discovered it is the process of setup and cook down I love. There is something magical to me about seeing this clear water turn into this sugary brown liquid! And the smell of the steam coming off the cooker!! You literally can smell it changing. The last time I made syrup was my first year in college. My Father had called me in probably October. He asked offered to buy me a plane ticket to spend Christmas with them and I said "Actually Dad...what I would rather do is take a raincheck and come home for Maple season." He thought about it awhile and then agreed to it. So I got to run the sapline with the old man the last year he made syrup (although I did not know it at the time). I just want to make syrup and spend time in the blue hills at the cabin. I wish Dad was here! I finally like the taste of maple syrup. I always preferred Mrs. Butterworths. Drove him crazy!! I had to walk a mile down to the cabin and back uphill. I must say that I gave serious consideration to not participating in the Horribly Hilly next year. Not because of my lungs but, because every fiber of my being ached!! I have enjoyed the cabin the most I have in 30 yrs! I have owned it 25 but, the 5 yrs leading up to it I was working to fund my college so there was never time to spend up at the cabin. Easter morning was the most amazing morning. I just wanted to sit on the back porch with bacon, eggs, wheat toast and drink 3 cups of coffee. It was just positively glorious. Hadn't experienced that since I was a teenager I bet. Now struggling between buying a range finder or buying binoculars! Looking forward to spending weekends there and learning to make fishing rods this summer on the back porch. Sure will be rough listening to the crickets, frogs, creek and whatever other wild sounds I hear.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Really have no specific reason I haven't posted in a long time. I've struggled w/ my sinuses since September. my dog was having eating issues and I have been doing a lot of reflecting an soul searching. Life's full of choices and many of the choices Bill made were not choices I would have made. I will never forget when he said "I don't understand you. Why don't you keep your job in the factory?". He was proud of retiring early. He did so by working 12 hr days mostly 7 days a week for 20 to 25 years. He didn't take vacations. I thought a lot about how I've lived the last 25 years. Until my Dad was diagnosed with cancer I made it to 2 or 3 concerts a year. In the last 25 years I've made it to 8. I've taken 2 vacations. I thought about how much hunting used to mean to he, Dad & I. I also finally realize what my classmates meant when they would tell me "I could walk out and be hit by a car today!"...it just meant we're not promised tomorrow. I've spent more time at the cabin in the last month than I have since Johanna quit coming up here due to health matters. I went to Pheasant fest. I talked to doctor Hogarth about big game hunting and altitude and I made maple syrup for the first time in 29 years. Bill desires were real but, his expectations were not. I am charting a new course and decided I don't want to miss a thing. I am signed up to volunteer for the Horribly Hilly Hundreds metric century so I secure my ability to compete in it next year. It is one of the Midwests most prestigious bike trek and much more difficult than the Dairyland Dare but in a cooler month. I think next year I will hire a personal trainer to try to take my athleticism to a higher level. Don't know if I can do it but, I don't know that I can't either. I know that if I don't try I will never know. Always set the bar a little higher than you think you can go or you will never know what your true capacities are.

Slowing Up

I am still having breathing issues. The food poisoning has passed for the most part but, it was humbling! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I can't remember the last time I said that! As a result of the strain it put on me and how difficult it was to just get up to let the dog out...I am going to give up my long time merchandising job. There is no end in sight to the 50 - 50+ hr work week. If I give up the pt job I can get more rest and when I do have an entire weekend off I can take off. I also am always wanting to spend more time with my dog. Still considering Bike The Drive.

First ever smart ph post

Have not found internet jet pack yet but, did wrap my dogs leash handle around my wrist so Holly couldn't get into too much trouble. She actually chewed on what she was given to chew on! To her credit over the last 18 months she has chewed a computer cord, CPAP cord, nebulizer cord, pair of shoes, two pair of cheater glasses, two personal cell phones and 1 work cell phone.

And I came down with food poisoning this week. I've had it happen to friends but never to me. It's not a pleasant condition and the recovery is a little different. I took two vacation days because of it. I can't afford to miss any more work in reach my goals. I went to Urgent Care on Tuesday night and I did finally have a prescription to worked on my upper respiratory issue. I got put on Avelox.

Year End Wrap

The last month and a half was BRUTAL!! I had some 20 appts in 30 days due to truck lost, car replacement, loan officer appts surrounding both, dr appts and furnace issues. I totaled my truck a wk before gun deer season. My furnace had quit working and after $1600 in parts later was running proper the day before Christmas. I was invited and attended the County Sheriff and his wife's Misfit Christmas party. I spent most of my 4 days off from the factory sleeping. My internet jetpack has come up missing so that is why I haven't posted. Usually my dog hurls up foreign objects 3 days later so I'm not convinced she consumed it. I have found neither parts of it but, have not ruled out her dropping it somewhere. I am on my 3rd round of meds. One day I feel kinda good and other days I feel run over by a Mack truck. There has been some interest in me running for town chair and recently county supervisor. In speaking with the person the current position coming up I think I might run for county supervisor. I was surprised  that no one wanted on the tourism board. I think I can provide a more meaningful impact for my community via the supervisor position.

I am thinking about upgrading to the new technologically advanced Kurt Kinetic trainer and possibly taking up mixed martial arts next yr. It all depends on overall health in the coming months.Don't expect me to post much until I get a landline into the former milkhouse ths summer.

Update

Been a devilish 3 weeks!! I am still fighting a upper respiratory bug and not giving it the smackdown I want to. The same week I tottalled my Suburban my furnace quit and that took 10 days to get fixed. If I wasn't waiting on a part I was waiting on a repairman during gun deer season. Holly and I sequestered ourselves in my bedroom Thanksgiving day. It was the first day I really got to sit and do nothing. In between it all I was emptying truck and getting that squared away. This last Monday I was finally able to move forward replacing the Suburban. Although I would have liked to replace it with another SUV or truck I replaced it with a Honda Civic. When I went in to close on the loan the loan officer didn't know how I kept up my crazy hectic schedule. The fuel economy is amazing even in Chicago commuter traffic!

I also forgot to tell you Ms Triumph did not wind up going to the home she was slated to. I had pushed back her surgery a week to give the wound more time to let the antibiotics work and remove more infection. She sailed right through surgery. The vet techs at the clinic all fell in love with her but, one especially more so than the others. They couldn't believe I wasn't keeping her. My dog sees cats as prey. Anyway I called my old classmate to explain the situation. His daughter who was originnally slated to take her in had taken another cat in and was fostering another. He just said "We just want what's best for the animal. To say the vet tech was elated is an understatement. She now has not one person she owns but, three. She has a guinea pig sister and they touch noses I hear. I think Triumph hit the rehoming jackpot!

Art Of The Ride

Who knew in November I would find myself bicycling to work??? I hit a deer 3 miles from home with my Suburban a week before opening gun deer season. My mechanic had my car keys. His daughter had his phone as hers broke just before she headed off to some high school tournament. So only option left was bike to town. When I bike I have 3 potential challenges. The temp, the humidity and the wind...hence the art of the ride. Was awake at 6am the next morning. It was 34 degrees out so I thought I would go for higher temp w/o considering wind. Oh,my! At 8am it was 40 degrees. A little nippy but, I thought no problem. Hahahaha. The wind was killer!! Took me 2 hrs to go 9.8 miles each way. I typically can cover 6.4 in 45 minutes. I didn't just have to pause a couple times but, decide which route to take. First time I hit the rack at 5:30 pm in ages!

My truck has since been totalled and I am not replacing it. I also had a furnce that wouldn't function so it has been an interesting 2 weeks. My furnace now works and am likely to replace bonneville with aToyota Yaris. Be a while before I replace SUV. I'm thinking it is going to be a Toyota Tundra or a 4runner.

Had been considering changing churches due to pastorial changes. Peace has sermons saved on vimeo. I took a look at them as well as other church I was considering. Gonna be tough to make typical church services but, think I will discuss w/ pastor Forke about a Life Group on Sunday nights. Cool think about Peace....always ways to feed and grow ones faith!

Lessons Learned........I've decided

Lessons learned....Bill infered he didn't take vacations. I have read numerous articles about the benefits of taking vacations and decided I am going to take several next year if my pocketbook will allow it. Up to 3 weeks worth!! I don't want to be like Bill thinking I missed out! It means I slow down my learning in a conventional situation but, not wholeheartedly.

My wish list:

I've wanted to go yo New York City for 34 years. I have a cousin who is a lawyer and has a clothing mfg business and lives in New York state. It has always been a pleasure visiting with him at reunions at Knarly Oaks in Argyle,WI. I've always wanted to go to art museums in NYC and a broadway play. If I go I will raise a glass of wine in Johanna & Paul's memory. They loved wine, art and theatre!

I want to visit the www.redantspants.com store in Montana. What an amazing story that lady has! I might have to see about supplemental oxygen for this one.

I want to go to Oklahoma to meet up with old college friends, eat my way across the state at all my fav eateries and visit my old alma maters! I feel a need to reconnect with  one of the sweetest parts of my past! I want to finally fish with some old friends and buddies off of Lake Eufaula dam w/ 20 pound test line for stripper bass. Wild boar hunt and maybe hunt for some other stuff,too!

I decided that I'm going to start sharing more great Dad stories because when I die nobody can accidently throw them out. My neices, nephews, sisters and brother can read them. When we die or someone we love dies we seem to become deeply reflective. I would love to tell you I was close to my Mom but, I had the most in common with my Dad!

Third additional edit. It dawned on me I didn't think about the funny story I thought about today. I thought about the day the three of us went over Comstock, Wi to Schmelke pool cue so Mom & Dad could pick out their pool cues. There was like 13 for Dad to chose from. We were up visiting the cabin. The day we were to go over there Dad was bouncing off the walls with anticipation. It was all he could think about. You need to understand my parents grew up during the depression and never had much of anything. Anyways....we get there and Dad is agonizing over the 5th tier (there were 5 tiers and the 5th was the lowest tier) of four pool cue designs. I see a nicer one in the next tier. I suggest it to Dad. It doesn't cost much more but, he sticks to that lowest tier. I kid you not he took 20 minutes to make up his mind. I'm proud to say I have his custom made pool cue. My mechanic got the rotor changed Dads 83 Ford 3/4 ton. I didn't have the strenth anymore to loosen some of the bolts.We're gonna have Dads truck running and in my machine shed by gun deer season!

My dominant focus for the next 8 months is become debt free except for the mortgage, make maple syrup from running a 400 tap sugarbush and get construction projects done. Thinking of the house remodel....when Dad was remodeling the farmhouse I grew up in...a couple rooms had peices of sheetrock in them with who did the remodel and the date. So, Dad decided in addition to them he would put a peice in with who did the current remodel and who it was. I plan to do the same thing!

Seasons of Change....Keeping Up With Triumph

Bill and I have gone our seperate ways. Every time I thought the communication was over he would communicate. It was the last response which made no sense that really sealed the deal. He is emotionally unstable. At no time during our 4 month foray did I get the impression he was happy. He hated the Indiana heat and he had sudden mood swings. He is a changed man. Why? I will never know. He clearly revered my Father and used to call him for advice in his personal life. It mattered to Bill that my Dads old truck was inside a building at one point. He said he and Dad were friends but, he kept calling him respectfully Mr. Schwalbe. He was like a homing pigeon to my folks house when he returned to our hometown to visit years ago. I hope Bill can find some semblance of peace during his retirement. I suspect the UAW or his job he had at GM has a lot to do with his current mental state. Either way I will take the good that came out of the situation and forget the bad.

I've been to Chicago and met with Dr Song. I am anticipating a August breast reconstruction so I will not be competing in the Dairyland Dare next yr but, I am hoping to volunteer at the Horribly Hilly Hundreds next June to secure my spot in the 2018 Horribly Hilly.

I've been quite busy with work and have been batlling what I believe to be a viral infection. I did miss a day merchandising last Saturday due to my lungs being so tight. The next day things got better! My furnace is on the fritz and that's my project tomorrow to remove a vent fan motor and get that replaced and see if that is what's wrong or whether it is the other motor. Already replaced the capacitor.

Triumph had an excellent checkup last Friday. The vet asked the vet tech if the weigh was real she told him it was! Two weeks ago Triumph had weighed 3 lbs. Under my care she has gained a whooping 1.4 pounds!! She is no longer skin & bones. The infection and swelling has finally abated. She is fat & sassy!! She is slated to go into surgery this coming Monday to remove what is left of the front left leg. On top of that before we left the vet tech said "Let me know if plan A doesn't work out." So in otherwards if for whatever reason the first forever home placement doesn't work she has a terrific second chance elsewhere. Oh, and she tested negative for feline leukemia/HIV. Pretty proud of that little stinker!

Pushing Through The Grind and Triumph

Continueing to push through the daily grind of factory work. The new HR manager is still anxious for me to return to college but, as I explained to him I am in the midst of several construction projects which typically we underestimate. I have explored more about online learning but, have just enough info to get me in trouble. I want to take a course next spring at the local uw system college but, time and money vs construction playing a defining role in the decision. Struggling w/ seasonal sinus mucus build up right now.

Good news for Triumph the injured kitty. She was a trooper about her first car ride. She went to the vet today and has been put on meds. The staff at the local biz flipped when I mentioned talking to animal shelter mngr about a foster. They howled NO!!!They'll put her down!!!!!

So she remains in familiar surroundings w/ upgraded digs that meet her approval. Kitty crate w/ warm soft t-shirts to lay on. A vacationing staff member will likely happily foster her after she is healthy enough for surgery. She feasted on somebody's left over pollock tonight! My old classmate who has a huge CSA in Beloit volunteered to set up a go fund me page for her! I am technologically challenged. His daughter will eventually be her forever cat Mom. Her pet pomeraian just tore his doggie equivalent of an ACL so she is currently financially taxed.

No Time

Well, thegravy train is over. Back to 65-70 hr work weeks for about 7 wks. Forgot to mention I stepped on the scale at the fitness center and I have not gained as I originally thought. Triump might have gotten the short end of the stick. Had a good home set up for her and the cafe manager had this song and dance routine about she had a new home where the person did her own vet care. The father of the girl who was to receive it is going to call and see if this situation can be rectified. My old classmate will be much calmer than me.

Started the new merchandising job yesterday. Plan to keep it long enough to kill off one partitcular bill and then it's gone. The dynamics of the team is a bit of a strain.

Great Expectations

That was what my Father had for his children. Bill had talked about how Dad had wanted him to be a toolmaker in a real bad way. He had wanted me to pursue a business degree shortly after I graduated high school. I signed up for a couple classes at the local UW systems school. I endured it for one semester to appease him but, failed miserably! Dad could be one of the most enthuisiastic people I knew. I think in both Bill and my situation he didn't present it in a way that truly sold either one of us on the idea. Throw back moment to 7th grade...."Kate, I think you should be a veternarian or heart surgeon.". Why Dad? "Because you are so good with animals and people.".

Fast forward 32 years later and I'm sold on the idea. I finally explored where I was at academically at Oklahoma State when I dropped out a year after Dad died. I am planning to return to college in 2017 sometime. I spoke to the new human resources manager at work about tuition reimbursement. He had said that the company will cover up to $2000 a year. They have a policy in place to reimburse up to 75%. He had thought maybe he could convince them to reimburse up to 100% but, I think policy is policy. The HR manager also was encouraging me to take to courses a semester. At first I wasn't too keen on that idea until I started doing hr crunching and thought back to all the things I did while paying for what was going to be a bachelors in animal science. Oh my God! The things I did to avoid student loans and cash flow college!! During the summers I worked two jobs and picked up odd jobs in between. At Eastern I worked on the school ranch, worked part time on a stocker operation and then every week there was a school dance. The night of the dance I would study for 4 hours till 10pm, sleep 4 hrs and then go collect all the beer cans on campus. Back then aluminum was $.75/lb. I paid for my tuition with the can money. I wish I could have gone to the basketball games. I remember washing dishes at some stockyard, working at a private country club and working the world quarter horse show. At Oklahoma State before Dad got sick I worked at McDonalds off of McElroy st 39 hrs a wk. Sometimes I would also work at the lone chimney Mickey D's location on the Cimarron turnpike, too.

It has taken me a while to find a school that offered a sales and marketing degree online that a working person could take. If I take two classes a semester I should be able to complete my degree in 4.5 years. I am pursueing the degree for two or three reasons. One I need something positive to focus on after Bill, Two because of three strikeout w/ high school grads I am starting to think a college graduate may have more intestinal fortitude for a relationship. And possibly fullfillment of a lost dream of a bachelors degree. I just remember years ago I wanted that bachelors in animal science so bad I could just taste it!! The experiences in Oklahoma I would not trade for anything in the world. I had classmates that used to tell me you are one of the most determined people in the world I know. If anybody can accomplish it you can!! I could never do what you have done!

Triumph and Defeat

Triumph the kitty who showed up at the local cafe with part of her front leg gone and bone showing has come around to trustung the staff and some of the regulars. We are looking into medical care for her. it has taken about 4 wks to gain her trust.

Defeated by a rusty nail while reclaiming barn boards from my collapsed barn. One tetanus shot later and I was back on the job. I'll be glad when that is done. Finally made it back into the fitness center for the first time in weeks. I gained 3.5 lbs. That will go away soon. Have been so busy with work or the barn or something else. Gotta get up Holly pigeon house SOON!

Life Goes On

That was what Bill texted to me midway through our 3 month interaction after a 25 yr sabbattical of communication. We were basically on loan to on another to prepare each other for something. Sometimes in life we are placed in anothers life for a short period of time. It is to prepare them for something or for them to prepare us for something. I think we helped each other achieve a new level of enlightenment. Bill said his way of thinking has changed completely since he was 35. In reality his view point changed 18 months after he left our hime town. He just didn't notice. He has a different view point of achieving retirement. He did come to realise retirement was what you make it but, he also came to realise he didn't want a romatic relationship. I came to realise that sometimes educational backgrounds really can impact ones perception of how life plays out. He thought since his Dad wasn't going to pay for education beyond high school he had to join the work force. I grew up knowing despite being a fulltime special ed student in second grade I was expected to go to college and pay for it myself. In the beginning I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of paying for my college. Took me one semester to realise my Dad gave me power that he was going to have to bite his tongue about. I paid for my tuition and he couldn't stop the check when I signed up for something he didn't want me to sign up for!

Bill & I care about each other but, he moved on. He worked 12 hr days the better part of 35 yrs for GM. He had two failed marriages to his credit. If anybody was going to understand him saying "You get used to them." it was going to be me. I just explained to another co worker why I work 7 days a wk. Most of my co-workers don't know how I do it and think I am crazy!! It is not expected to be a long term thing but, a short term thing to achieve a specific fianacial goal. I am a big www.daveramsey.com fan! Bill brought back a flood of memories of my Dad that I am soooo grateful to him for bringing back. I explained to Bill early on that my Dad was my best friend. He thought he got it but, I don't think he truly got it till I texted things Dad had taught me over the yrs. To me my Dad was my best friend because he taught me to raise the bar higher than I ever thought I could reach. He instilled good manners and good values in me. He also told me things to watch out for in a partner that would serve me well long after he was gone. He instilled a zest for life in all of us! He was strict but, he loved me from the top of his head to the very tip of his toes!

I don't know if I lost anymore weight. I had a couple of heat exhaustion moments in the last couple weeks. I am starting to reconsider participating in the Dairyland Dare. I still want a smokin hot body by next spring. I just renewed my fitness membership Friday for 3 more months but, I have been working outside salvaging a falling down barn. I am still wrestling with myself over whether to start a website for my forest products biz or to just settle for a facebook presence over the next 8 months.

Looking Back....Moving Forward

Looking back Bill has changed a lot over the years. Although he still possess some goodness...not as much as he once did. I can't see us as a couple. If we ever became a couple no one would be more stunned than me! We are most likely to be casual friends. What I mean by this is we might talk once or twice a year. It's really important to me to be equally yoked w/ someone. My faith is very important to me. Outside of weddings and funerals I doubt he has stepped inside a church in years. My POA is disappointed. She has wanted to see me married in the worst way for 29 years.

Went shopping for new athletic cloths for spin/yoga. For a bit on Friday I thought I had gone to Chicago (I can blow money there!!). When all said and done spent almost $200. It's actually pretty girly looking stuff. My sisters would be shocked!! And ate a healthy meal out and found a lower cost but, aggressive personal trainer. I really want to do well in the Dairyland Dare. I have continued to lose about 2 pounds a week. Only 34 to go. Spin class left my calves sore till yesterday and I was surprised even the yoga left me sore.

Currently reading "Glittering Vices" and "How People Grow".

Desires Of The Heart Revisited

Well, on my way to the gym last night I heard "Jasmine" by Carole King playing. Then I smelled oak smoke and thought of my sister Johanna. We had some good times at the cabin in the last years of her life. I don't remember if that track was off the tapestry album but, I do remember her saying it was one of her favorites by her. I don't remember when I gave her the cd but, I do remember giving it to her and the joy in her voice!

I realised between going to the gym and working out I really don't want a romantic relationship for a year. I really want to just get in phenomenal shape mentally and physically. So I go home and find Psalms 37:4. It reads- Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. So either I didn't remember it right or Karen didn't express the concept right either way what an amazing scripture!

I've started doing strength training. Hurt a lot and am down 24% of goal weight lose. Had a wonderful conversation with Bill tonight. We agreed we should do so more often and learned he isn't any crazier about texting than me. Just has crummy cell ph reception where he lives. Best conversation I have had with him since my Dads funeral. He was very special to Dad. He was so special he sat with us during the funeral service. Bill and I have quite a bit in common.

Sleep, Bike Spin Yoga Faith

Sorry I haven't posted in quite a few days! I've been quite tired. So tired I'd pull in the drive and recline the drivers seat. A week ago Friday I got home at 11:15pm and woke up at 3:24am. I got some stuff fixed on my bicycle and took it for about an 8 mile ride. My butt got sore so decided the next day to go to Spring Street Sports to buy a new pr of bike shorts.

Drove by a place in town on the way to pay property taxes and was floored to see spin/yoga classes painted on a window. Was so tired and had too many errands to run this last week didn't stop in to enquire about classes. Spin classes are challenging and yoga is supposed to help with breath control and stretching all the muscles of the body.

Faith. I have spent the last 30 yrs hitting dead ends when it came to everlasting love. My power of attorney has been after me just as long to pray for the man of my dreams. I always thought it was bogus. Well I'm going to fall in for her idea. She did so and prayed for him for 5 years. She is married to that man to this day. Sure seems like a huge leap of faith but, my way hasn't worked out too good. I msgd her on Facebook. I'm sure she is doing a praise the lord fit whereever she is at! I am praying for spiritual and emotional healing for Bill. He made a lot of sacrifices over the years he thought were worth it and I think he maybe is realising they came at a high cost. I still see the man with a large heart in him! Somewhere in the bible is says if you will ask God for the desires of your heart they will be granted. I have to look in my concordance to findout where that scripture is. For those unfamiliar with a concordance....it is a book listing by topic/subject scripture pertaining to them. I first encountered a concordance while in college at Stillwater. I had asked the lutheran church pastor about something and she said " Come to my office. We will look it up in my concordance.". That was such an interesting concept to me at the time. I remember years later relating it to my Mom and one day she came home with a Strong's concordance for me.

You Say That Now...

Yah, I said next year in the fall I would not be merchandising to a factory co-worker Sunday afternoon but, a lot has occured since then. She was actually correct and I was wrong. I have since spoken with Bill and I lose to grandkids which in my minds eye is a noble way to lose. The end result is I am doing what we Schwalbe's are known for suddenly shifting gears at a rapid pace!

Instead of slowing down I am actually picking up speed and pouring on the coal. I have decided to put the Road King off indefinitely but, I need a stress management tool. I am looking to purchase an Mscow or Cscow in the next month or so. So far my stomach has not actted up to  speak of in several weeks.

I am determined to be retired from working for someone else at 55. I am also equally committed to having the financial means to pay for a lung tx. Where I live I have the coice of two health insurance policies and neither will cover a tx.

I went over to Rice Lake yesterday scouting for miserble difficult hills to train on. 18th street and 24th street look like they will fill the bill. I looked into upgrading some bicycle equipment and picked up a part for my bike. Tomorrow I will be riding her for about 12 or so miles and those miles will increase as will the difficulty of the rides!

Choosing Your Battles...Lessons Learned

I deleted my previous post. Unfortunately I can get overly emotional like my Dad did. Try to keep some of the good from the deleted post I decided to post a more thoughtful and meaningful post.

I learned a lot from the lost love experience. I thought about a lot of things I had not thought about in years and realised some things, too. I learned I crafted a glass ceiling for myself that didn't even exist. I recognized I worked to much that even if the right one came along or this one left returned I could never make it last because I didn't have the time to invest to nurture it. Relationships are like gardens. They need attention. If you don't give them attention they disappear. I had become complacent and unintentionally begun to let alpha1 own me instead of me owning the disease. July 4th I texted T Man my merchandising boss saying I want next summer off. I spoke to him later in the week and explained some things have happened that made me realise some things and I want to train for the Dairyland Dare which is very difficult. I have since reflected more and decided that paring down my construction goals this fall will allow me to extinguish more debt, if I got the syrup revenue pegged correct I will make twice as much money as I do merchandising, with half the time invested in syrup making I would be able to quit merchandising all together. Less work = more of a personal life.

As for what was or wasn't lost it could have been for any number of reasons. Possible scenarios are is was a mistake, a come on, cold feet. Also, I thought about my late sister and how excessively over protective of me. Could have been his adult children. He's got children & grandchildren. Reality of the distance between us literally. Also, I recall a teacher who taught under my Dad's leadership. He married this well respected realtor and George and Sharon were clearly equally yoked or in Dads words "wore well together". There teenaged children could not/would not try to get along. They tried everything to make it work for 18 months and finally gave up because of the children. Those didn't care about anybody but, theirselves. I had a coworker once tell me he had a friend who told him before he retired arrange appts for things YOU want to do. Your kids can run you ragged if you're not careful. Most good parents love their children without reservation including my Dad. I wonder sometimes if he would have told some of us no once in a while if he would not have been more appreciated.

My retired former coworker said that guys like him who work insane hours have a hard time adjusting to retirement. They sometimes wish they had never retired. Theydon't know what to do with theirselves and can be real a holes for a while. It usually takes 2 - 3 years before they acclimate. Some never do! I gotta believe that he will. He used to have several hobbies. Racing pigeons, hunting, fishing, trapping and collecting mustangs (cars). He clearly doesn't have hisself together like he used to I hope he does sooner or later. He can be such a kind man.

I am down 11 pounds. I'm doing the right stuff!! I got 39 pounds to go. I initially wanted to just finish the Dairyland Dare but, I've decided I want to up the ante! I now want to finish in 8 hrs. My thoughts are if Shirley Dennis could do the Big Ride Across America through mountains averaging 60 miles a day on a bike @ I want to say 19% lung function w/ oxygen assistance. Why can't I at 45% lung function do 65 miles in 8 hours on much lower elevations??? Either way by next August I want a smokin' hot bod and I'm gonna keep it , thank you!!