Well, on my way to the gym last night I heard "Jasmine" by Carole King playing. Then I smelled oak smoke and thought of my sister Johanna. We had some good times at the cabin in the last years of her life. I don't remember if that track was off the tapestry album but, I do remember her saying it was one of her favorites by her. I don't remember when I gave her the cd but, I do remember giving it to her and the joy in her voice!
I realised between going to the gym and working out I really don't want a romantic relationship for a year. I really want to just get in phenomenal shape mentally and physically. So I go home and find Psalms 37:4. It reads- Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. So either I didn't remember it right or Karen didn't express the concept right either way what an amazing scripture!
I've started doing strength training. Hurt a lot and am down 24% of goal weight lose. Had a wonderful conversation with Bill tonight. We agreed we should do so more often and learned he isn't any crazier about texting than me. Just has crummy cell ph reception where he lives. Best conversation I have had with him since my Dads funeral. He was very special to Dad. He was so special he sat with us during the funeral service. Bill and I have quite a bit in common.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Sleep, Bike Spin Yoga Faith
Sorry I haven't posted in quite a few days! I've been quite tired. So tired I'd pull in the drive and recline the drivers seat. A week ago Friday I got home at 11:15pm and woke up at 3:24am. I got some stuff fixed on my bicycle and took it for about an 8 mile ride. My butt got sore so decided the next day to go to Spring Street Sports to buy a new pr of bike shorts.
Drove by a place in town on the way to pay property taxes and was floored to see spin/yoga classes painted on a window. Was so tired and had too many errands to run this last week didn't stop in to enquire about classes. Spin classes are challenging and yoga is supposed to help with breath control and stretching all the muscles of the body.
Faith. I have spent the last 30 yrs hitting dead ends when it came to everlasting love. My power of attorney has been after me just as long to pray for the man of my dreams. I always thought it was bogus. Well I'm going to fall in for her idea. She did so and prayed for him for 5 years. She is married to that man to this day. Sure seems like a huge leap of faith but, my way hasn't worked out too good. I msgd her on Facebook. I'm sure she is doing a praise the lord fit whereever she is at! I am praying for spiritual and emotional healing for Bill. He made a lot of sacrifices over the years he thought were worth it and I think he maybe is realising they came at a high cost. I still see the man with a large heart in him! Somewhere in the bible is says if you will ask God for the desires of your heart they will be granted. I have to look in my concordance to findout where that scripture is. For those unfamiliar with a concordance....it is a book listing by topic/subject scripture pertaining to them. I first encountered a concordance while in college at Stillwater. I had asked the lutheran church pastor about something and she said " Come to my office. We will look it up in my concordance.". That was such an interesting concept to me at the time. I remember years later relating it to my Mom and one day she came home with a Strong's concordance for me.
Drove by a place in town on the way to pay property taxes and was floored to see spin/yoga classes painted on a window. Was so tired and had too many errands to run this last week didn't stop in to enquire about classes. Spin classes are challenging and yoga is supposed to help with breath control and stretching all the muscles of the body.
Faith. I have spent the last 30 yrs hitting dead ends when it came to everlasting love. My power of attorney has been after me just as long to pray for the man of my dreams. I always thought it was bogus. Well I'm going to fall in for her idea. She did so and prayed for him for 5 years. She is married to that man to this day. Sure seems like a huge leap of faith but, my way hasn't worked out too good. I msgd her on Facebook. I'm sure she is doing a praise the lord fit whereever she is at! I am praying for spiritual and emotional healing for Bill. He made a lot of sacrifices over the years he thought were worth it and I think he maybe is realising they came at a high cost. I still see the man with a large heart in him! Somewhere in the bible is says if you will ask God for the desires of your heart they will be granted. I have to look in my concordance to findout where that scripture is. For those unfamiliar with a concordance....it is a book listing by topic/subject scripture pertaining to them. I first encountered a concordance while in college at Stillwater. I had asked the lutheran church pastor about something and she said " Come to my office. We will look it up in my concordance.". That was such an interesting concept to me at the time. I remember years later relating it to my Mom and one day she came home with a Strong's concordance for me.
Friday, July 22, 2016
You Say That Now...
Yah, I said next year in the fall I would not be merchandising to a factory co-worker Sunday afternoon but, a lot has occured since then. She was actually correct and I was wrong. I have since spoken with Bill and I lose to grandkids which in my minds eye is a noble way to lose. The end result is I am doing what we Schwalbe's are known for suddenly shifting gears at a rapid pace!
Instead of slowing down I am actually picking up speed and pouring on the coal. I have decided to put the Road King off indefinitely but, I need a stress management tool. I am looking to purchase an Mscow or Cscow in the next month or so. So far my stomach has not actted up to speak of in several weeks.
I am determined to be retired from working for someone else at 55. I am also equally committed to having the financial means to pay for a lung tx. Where I live I have the coice of two health insurance policies and neither will cover a tx.
I went over to Rice Lake yesterday scouting for miserble difficult hills to train on. 18th street and 24th street look like they will fill the bill. I looked into upgrading some bicycle equipment and picked up a part for my bike. Tomorrow I will be riding her for about 12 or so miles and those miles will increase as will the difficulty of the rides!
Instead of slowing down I am actually picking up speed and pouring on the coal. I have decided to put the Road King off indefinitely but, I need a stress management tool. I am looking to purchase an Mscow or Cscow in the next month or so. So far my stomach has not actted up to speak of in several weeks.
I am determined to be retired from working for someone else at 55. I am also equally committed to having the financial means to pay for a lung tx. Where I live I have the coice of two health insurance policies and neither will cover a tx.
I went over to Rice Lake yesterday scouting for miserble difficult hills to train on. 18th street and 24th street look like they will fill the bill. I looked into upgrading some bicycle equipment and picked up a part for my bike. Tomorrow I will be riding her for about 12 or so miles and those miles will increase as will the difficulty of the rides!
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Choosing Your Battles...Lessons Learned
I deleted my previous post. Unfortunately I can get overly emotional like my Dad did. Try to keep some of the good from the deleted post I decided to post a more thoughtful and meaningful post.
I learned a lot from the lost love experience. I thought about a lot of things I had not thought about in years and realised some things, too. I learned I crafted a glass ceiling for myself that didn't even exist. I recognized I worked to much that even if the right one came along or this one left returned I could never make it last because I didn't have the time to invest to nurture it. Relationships are like gardens. They need attention. If you don't give them attention they disappear. I had become complacent and unintentionally begun to let alpha1 own me instead of me owning the disease. July 4th I texted T Man my merchandising boss saying I want next summer off. I spoke to him later in the week and explained some things have happened that made me realise some things and I want to train for the Dairyland Dare which is very difficult. I have since reflected more and decided that paring down my construction goals this fall will allow me to extinguish more debt, if I got the syrup revenue pegged correct I will make twice as much money as I do merchandising, with half the time invested in syrup making I would be able to quit merchandising all together. Less work = more of a personal life.
As for what was or wasn't lost it could have been for any number of reasons. Possible scenarios are is was a mistake, a come on, cold feet. Also, I thought about my late sister and how excessively over protective of me. Could have been his adult children. He's got children & grandchildren. Reality of the distance between us literally. Also, I recall a teacher who taught under my Dad's leadership. He married this well respected realtor and George and Sharon were clearly equally yoked or in Dads words "wore well together". There teenaged children could not/would not try to get along. They tried everything to make it work for 18 months and finally gave up because of the children. Those didn't care about anybody but, theirselves. I had a coworker once tell me he had a friend who told him before he retired arrange appts for things YOU want to do. Your kids can run you ragged if you're not careful. Most good parents love their children without reservation including my Dad. I wonder sometimes if he would have told some of us no once in a while if he would not have been more appreciated.
My retired former coworker said that guys like him who work insane hours have a hard time adjusting to retirement. They sometimes wish they had never retired. Theydon't know what to do with theirselves and can be real a holes for a while. It usually takes 2 - 3 years before they acclimate. Some never do! I gotta believe that he will. He used to have several hobbies. Racing pigeons, hunting, fishing, trapping and collecting mustangs (cars). He clearly doesn't have hisself together like he used to I hope he does sooner or later. He can be such a kind man.
I am down 11 pounds. I'm doing the right stuff!! I got 39 pounds to go. I initially wanted to just finish the Dairyland Dare but, I've decided I want to up the ante! I now want to finish in 8 hrs. My thoughts are if Shirley Dennis could do the Big Ride Across America through mountains averaging 60 miles a day on a bike @ I want to say 19% lung function w/ oxygen assistance. Why can't I at 45% lung function do 65 miles in 8 hours on much lower elevations??? Either way by next August I want a smokin' hot bod and I'm gonna keep it , thank you!!
I learned a lot from the lost love experience. I thought about a lot of things I had not thought about in years and realised some things, too. I learned I crafted a glass ceiling for myself that didn't even exist. I recognized I worked to much that even if the right one came along or this one left returned I could never make it last because I didn't have the time to invest to nurture it. Relationships are like gardens. They need attention. If you don't give them attention they disappear. I had become complacent and unintentionally begun to let alpha1 own me instead of me owning the disease. July 4th I texted T Man my merchandising boss saying I want next summer off. I spoke to him later in the week and explained some things have happened that made me realise some things and I want to train for the Dairyland Dare which is very difficult. I have since reflected more and decided that paring down my construction goals this fall will allow me to extinguish more debt, if I got the syrup revenue pegged correct I will make twice as much money as I do merchandising, with half the time invested in syrup making I would be able to quit merchandising all together. Less work = more of a personal life.
As for what was or wasn't lost it could have been for any number of reasons. Possible scenarios are is was a mistake, a come on, cold feet. Also, I thought about my late sister and how excessively over protective of me. Could have been his adult children. He's got children & grandchildren. Reality of the distance between us literally. Also, I recall a teacher who taught under my Dad's leadership. He married this well respected realtor and George and Sharon were clearly equally yoked or in Dads words "wore well together". There teenaged children could not/would not try to get along. They tried everything to make it work for 18 months and finally gave up because of the children. Those didn't care about anybody but, theirselves. I had a coworker once tell me he had a friend who told him before he retired arrange appts for things YOU want to do. Your kids can run you ragged if you're not careful. Most good parents love their children without reservation including my Dad. I wonder sometimes if he would have told some of us no once in a while if he would not have been more appreciated.
My retired former coworker said that guys like him who work insane hours have a hard time adjusting to retirement. They sometimes wish they had never retired. Theydon't know what to do with theirselves and can be real a holes for a while. It usually takes 2 - 3 years before they acclimate. Some never do! I gotta believe that he will. He used to have several hobbies. Racing pigeons, hunting, fishing, trapping and collecting mustangs (cars). He clearly doesn't have hisself together like he used to I hope he does sooner or later. He can be such a kind man.
I am down 11 pounds. I'm doing the right stuff!! I got 39 pounds to go. I initially wanted to just finish the Dairyland Dare but, I've decided I want to up the ante! I now want to finish in 8 hrs. My thoughts are if Shirley Dennis could do the Big Ride Across America through mountains averaging 60 miles a day on a bike @ I want to say 19% lung function w/ oxygen assistance. Why can't I at 45% lung function do 65 miles in 8 hours on much lower elevations??? Either way by next August I want a smokin' hot bod and I'm gonna keep it , thank you!!
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Lost Love, Tattoos and Daring Aspirations
I have been struggling with how to present the first part of this post. I want to be diplomatic while keeping it real. I've not dated for something like 12 years I think. I haven't kept close track. It was sort of because of the alpha1 and sorta not. I recall reading an Ann Landers or Dear Abby column once years ago which stated some people are anormal (they don't always have a high interest in a romantic partner). I'm like that in that I can go long periods of time with no interest and all of a sudden I become interested/ receptive to the idea of dating. The other part was I had concerned about getting attached to someone and as soon as they knew about the condition vamoosed. Anyhow someone from long ago came back into my life. I didn't know what he wanted. I thought initially he was looking for a friend (which I would guess about 75-80 % of my friends are men due to my interests. I'm a medium weight motorhead, I like to collect guns. I do a lot of stuff that are not particularly girly I guess. I'm not a shop till you drop kinda girl unless involves woodworking, construction, automotive, fabrication tools, books, recreational equipment or outdoor hunting gear. Anyways this guy got under my skin. For the first time in a long time I thought about things and felt things in a way I hadn't in a very long time. In doing so I thought about what I thought makes a healthy relationship. Then I wondered could I meet all those things and I honestly wasn't sure.
I have a friend his wife has had a tumor removed twice from her brain, is bedridden and in a nursing home. She been this way the better part of a decade. Gary was in his early 50's when this happened. The doctors at the VA have told him he is the exception to the rule. Most divorce their ailing partner and start a new life.
Two weeks ago while merchandising I knew I was frustrated and angry but, took a while identify what and why. I slammed my thumb in one of the refrigerator doors. Thought I just grazed it but, sliced it open good. How bad??? Bled like a stuck pig! Put a bandaid on it and then wrapped it in pink camo duct tape. I finally realised by the time I finished merchandising that day I was angry at alpha1. I have never been angry at alpha1 always frightened by it but, I was full blown P o'd at it!! I thought how dare this condition rob me of a love life. Then I realised I needed to assume a big part of the responsibility for robbing myself of a love life. Granted alpha1 could be blamed for some but, not all.
If this was going to change it had to come from efforts. I promised myself when I was 19 or 20 I would never what if myself again and I have always have abhored the two words "I can't". I linked all 4 words into one statement. That was tooo much! I immediately did what I always do and I put a big ugly challenge in front of me to tackle. I'll get to that at the end! : )
Tattoos...hmmm...well I haven't done any yet but their are two waiting in the wings! I had always promised myself a racing sailboat tattoo on my completed reconstructed breast and another on my left upper arm if my sister Johanna didn't make it/get the successful lung transplant needed. I have a consultation scheduled for this Friday for my Johanna tattoo. It's more than she was a fellow alpha1 zz. I was very close to her. I could never feel completely confident in the tattoo concepted in my mind. I wanted dignified and something that capturered her essence. I finally decided that instead of dignified I was going to go with artisitic. So I am taking the risk on the tattoo artist and letting him design it. It took me a while to decide on who would do it. Krueger Tattoo out of Eau Claire is going to be doing it and later on down the line the racing sailboat tattoo.
I just shot an email to Dairyland Dare race director to see how hard it will be to get signed up for the 2017 Dairyland Dare. I have started working out almost everyday at OST and am realising I'm still a pretty vital 50 year old. I have done somewhere between 7 -8.8 miles in 30 minutes on an eliptical quite consistently. I have been going for calories burned. I lost about 8 pounds and now I'm just losing inches. Last night I had my arse handed to me by the eliptical!! I treaded in opposite direction. I hurt in bicyclist muscles I thought were in good shape. I did a whopping 1.6 miles. My intention by next yr is to be the same wieght as I was at the beginning of 9th grade but, if I weigh the same as at the end of 9th grade I won't complain. I believe it is attainable but, going to be difficult mostly because of being over 50. I plan to train on similar ascent/decent hills in my region, do spinervals, do drills, ruck sack on back hill climbing a foot and on bicycle. I might even invest in a fat tire bike for winter bicycling...who knows. Also, upgrading my wireless bike computer to a Garmin 810 edge. Not ruling out Power90 or PX90. Stopped at Sports Unlimited today and learned something new. Did not know about building up lactic acid tolerance. Gonna try a new during ride supplement called Scratch. Also will be doing whey protein drinks and again Perpetuem. Excited for the the expanded opportunities and health this goal will afford me. Drinking more water because I sweat so much during calorie burn workouts I'm afraid of becoming dehydrated. Eating better, feeling better.
I almost pulled the trigger on a HD Road King this week and when I tried to handle it I realised that my bicycling and exercise routine were going to actually help me better handle a motorcycle. I tried a HD on for the first time since 2006. I had convinced myself years ago it was going to be too much for me to handle. I completely disagree with my former assessment. Rock climbing and zip lining is on my bucket list! Likely ziplining this yr . Not sure I'm ready for rock climbing at Christie Mountain this year but, definitely next year!!
I have a friend his wife has had a tumor removed twice from her brain, is bedridden and in a nursing home. She been this way the better part of a decade. Gary was in his early 50's when this happened. The doctors at the VA have told him he is the exception to the rule. Most divorce their ailing partner and start a new life.
Two weeks ago while merchandising I knew I was frustrated and angry but, took a while identify what and why. I slammed my thumb in one of the refrigerator doors. Thought I just grazed it but, sliced it open good. How bad??? Bled like a stuck pig! Put a bandaid on it and then wrapped it in pink camo duct tape. I finally realised by the time I finished merchandising that day I was angry at alpha1. I have never been angry at alpha1 always frightened by it but, I was full blown P o'd at it!! I thought how dare this condition rob me of a love life. Then I realised I needed to assume a big part of the responsibility for robbing myself of a love life. Granted alpha1 could be blamed for some but, not all.
If this was going to change it had to come from efforts. I promised myself when I was 19 or 20 I would never what if myself again and I have always have abhored the two words "I can't". I linked all 4 words into one statement. That was tooo much! I immediately did what I always do and I put a big ugly challenge in front of me to tackle. I'll get to that at the end! : )
Tattoos...hmmm...well I haven't done any yet but their are two waiting in the wings! I had always promised myself a racing sailboat tattoo on my completed reconstructed breast and another on my left upper arm if my sister Johanna didn't make it/get the successful lung transplant needed. I have a consultation scheduled for this Friday for my Johanna tattoo. It's more than she was a fellow alpha1 zz. I was very close to her. I could never feel completely confident in the tattoo concepted in my mind. I wanted dignified and something that capturered her essence. I finally decided that instead of dignified I was going to go with artisitic. So I am taking the risk on the tattoo artist and letting him design it. It took me a while to decide on who would do it. Krueger Tattoo out of Eau Claire is going to be doing it and later on down the line the racing sailboat tattoo.
I just shot an email to Dairyland Dare race director to see how hard it will be to get signed up for the 2017 Dairyland Dare. I have started working out almost everyday at OST and am realising I'm still a pretty vital 50 year old. I have done somewhere between 7 -8.8 miles in 30 minutes on an eliptical quite consistently. I have been going for calories burned. I lost about 8 pounds and now I'm just losing inches. Last night I had my arse handed to me by the eliptical!! I treaded in opposite direction. I hurt in bicyclist muscles I thought were in good shape. I did a whopping 1.6 miles. My intention by next yr is to be the same wieght as I was at the beginning of 9th grade but, if I weigh the same as at the end of 9th grade I won't complain. I believe it is attainable but, going to be difficult mostly because of being over 50. I plan to train on similar ascent/decent hills in my region, do spinervals, do drills, ruck sack on back hill climbing a foot and on bicycle. I might even invest in a fat tire bike for winter bicycling...who knows. Also, upgrading my wireless bike computer to a Garmin 810 edge. Not ruling out Power90 or PX90. Stopped at Sports Unlimited today and learned something new. Did not know about building up lactic acid tolerance. Gonna try a new during ride supplement called Scratch. Also will be doing whey protein drinks and again Perpetuem. Excited for the the expanded opportunities and health this goal will afford me. Drinking more water because I sweat so much during calorie burn workouts I'm afraid of becoming dehydrated. Eating better, feeling better.
I almost pulled the trigger on a HD Road King this week and when I tried to handle it I realised that my bicycling and exercise routine were going to actually help me better handle a motorcycle. I tried a HD on for the first time since 2006. I had convinced myself years ago it was going to be too much for me to handle. I completely disagree with my former assessment. Rock climbing and zip lining is on my bucket list! Likely ziplining this yr . Not sure I'm ready for rock climbing at Christie Mountain this year but, definitely next year!!
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Setting up 2017 Challenges
To the left under events attending you'll see three 2017 events listed. There will be an explanation in a new post when I am not so tired from working a 60+hr work wk. Two jobs back to back with a workout squeezed in today.
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