Lost Love, Tattoos and Daring Aspirations

I have been struggling with how to present the first part of this post. I want to be diplomatic while keeping it real. I've not dated for something like 12 years I think. I haven't kept close track. It was sort of because of the alpha1 and sorta not. I recall reading an Ann Landers or Dear Abby column once years ago which stated some people are anormal (they don't always have a high interest in a romantic partner). I'm like that in that I can go long periods of time with no interest and all of a sudden I become interested/ receptive to the idea of dating. The other part was I had concerned about getting attached to someone and as soon as they knew about the condition vamoosed. Anyhow someone from long ago came back into my life. I didn't know what he wanted. I thought initially he was looking for a friend (which I would guess about 75-80 % of my friends are men due to my interests. I'm a medium weight motorhead, I like to collect guns. I do a lot of stuff that are not particularly girly I guess. I'm not a shop till you drop kinda girl unless involves woodworking, construction, automotive, fabrication tools, books, recreational equipment or outdoor hunting gear. Anyways this guy got under my skin. For the first time in a long time I thought about things and felt things in a way I hadn't in a very long time. In doing so I thought about what I thought makes a healthy relationship. Then I wondered could I meet all those things and I honestly wasn't sure.

I have a friend his wife has had a tumor removed twice from her brain, is bedridden and in a nursing home. She been this way the better part of a decade. Gary was in his early 50's when this happened. The doctors at the VA have told him he is the exception to the rule. Most divorce their ailing partner and start a new life.

Two weeks ago while merchandising I knew I was frustrated and angry but, took a while identify what and why. I slammed my thumb in one of the refrigerator doors. Thought I just grazed it but, sliced it open good. How bad??? Bled like a stuck pig! Put a bandaid on it and then wrapped it in pink camo duct tape. I finally realised by the time I finished merchandising that day I was angry at alpha1. I have never been angry at alpha1 always frightened by it but, I was full blown P o'd at it!! I thought how dare this condition rob me of a love life. Then I realised I needed to assume a big part of the responsibility for robbing myself of a love life. Granted alpha1 could be blamed for some but, not all.

If this was going to change it had to come from efforts. I promised myself when I was 19 or 20 I would never what if myself again and I have always have abhored the two words "I can't". I linked all 4 words into one statement. That was tooo much! I immediately did what I always do and I put a big ugly challenge in front of me to tackle. I'll get to that at the end!  : )

Tattoos...hmmm...well I haven't done any yet but their are two waiting in the wings! I had always promised myself a racing sailboat tattoo on my completed reconstructed breast and another on my left upper arm if my sister Johanna didn't make it/get the successful lung transplant needed. I have a consultation scheduled for this Friday for my Johanna tattoo. It's more than she was a fellow alpha1 zz. I was very close to her. I could never feel completely confident in the tattoo concepted in my mind.  I wanted dignified and something that capturered her essence. I finally decided that instead of dignified I was going to go with artisitic. So I am taking the risk on the tattoo artist and letting him design it. It took me a while to decide on who would do it. Krueger Tattoo out of Eau Claire is going to be doing it and later on down the line the racing sailboat tattoo.

I just shot an email to Dairyland Dare race director to see how hard it will be to get signed up for the 2017 Dairyland Dare. I have started working out almost everyday at OST and am realising I'm still a pretty vital 50 year old. I have done somewhere between 7 -8.8 miles in 30 minutes on an eliptical quite consistently. I have been going for calories burned. I lost about 8 pounds and now I'm just losing inches. Last night I had my arse handed to me by the eliptical!! I  treaded in opposite direction. I hurt in bicyclist muscles I thought were in good shape. I did a whopping 1.6 miles. My intention by next yr is to be the same wieght as I was at the beginning of 9th grade but, if I weigh the same as at the end of 9th grade I won't complain. I believe it is attainable but, going to be difficult mostly because of being over 50. I plan to train on similar ascent/decent hills in my region, do spinervals, do drills, ruck sack on back hill climbing a foot and on bicycle. I might even invest in a fat tire bike for winter bicycling...who knows. Also, upgrading my wireless bike computer to a Garmin 810 edge. Not ruling out Power90 or PX90. Stopped at Sports Unlimited today and learned something new. Did not know about building up lactic acid tolerance. Gonna try a new during ride supplement called Scratch. Also will be doing whey protein drinks and again Perpetuem. Excited for the the expanded opportunities and health this goal will afford me. Drinking more water because I sweat so much during calorie burn workouts I'm afraid of becoming dehydrated. Eating better, feeling better.

I almost pulled the trigger on a HD Road King this week and when I tried to handle it I realised that my bicycling and exercise routine were going to actually help me better handle a motorcycle. I tried a HD on for the first time since 2006. I had convinced myself years ago it was going to be too much for me to handle. I completely disagree with my former assessment. Rock climbing and zip lining is on my bucket list! Likely ziplining this yr . Not sure I'm ready for rock climbing at Christie Mountain this year but, definitely next year!!